RANK EVERYTHING

Rather B

2012-01-31T18:38:00.000-05:00

Things haven't gone that well for me this year, for reasons I'm not going to get into, at least today. The point is, I, like many of you, would rather

be doing something other than what I'm actually doing.

The following are the Top Ten things I'd Rather B Doing (than what I AM doing), presented in rhyming couplets, because that's just how I bagel.

The Top Ten Things I'd Rather B (Doing)

#10 Epic Writing - (hoping to be third of a way through a novel by now)

#9 Wrong A-Righting - (You must pay the rent! I can't pay the rent! You must pay the rest! I can't pay the rent! You must pay the rent! I can't pay the rent. i'll pay the rent. My Hero! Curses! Foiled Again!)

#8 Old School Dancing (I will cabbage patch you into the ground, fool!)

#7 Elf Romancing - (Not sure what will melt her, but I bet it's pointy.)

#6 Jerky Drying (Ironically, I look at that and get moist.)

#5 Fee Fo Fi-ing - (You don't even want to know what this fairy tale represents. Hint....Divinyls)

#4 Old West Hippoing - (If you think hippos weren't a powerful scourge in the Old West...consider the fact that the Hippo Consortium got every single reference to them removed from the literature. You think about that. True power indeed.....)

#3 Magic Zippoing - (Who doesn't like tricks with fire? Nobody! That's who!)

#2 Kung-Fu Fighting - (one of the central planks for my ground-breaking BLKF Theory)

and the #1 thing I'd Rather B doing is....

#1 Jedi Knigting - (I AM a Jedi Knight, and if you don't believe me, just come and try to get your Droids back.)

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Potato Love

2011-07-08T14:11:00.000-04:00

THE TOP SIX POTATO CHIP FLAVORS I WANT TO SEE

#6 Pina Colada - My mom actually suggested this, but it's a good idea. Coconut, pineapple and a dried rum liqueur flavoring would make a pretty great chip!

#5 Coca Cola - This is a natural fit. I think that signature fizzy taste on your tongue would go great on a potato chip, and this might lead to a whole new round of polar bear commercials!

#4 Honey - This sweet and salty combo would be out of this world good. BONUS: Honey Garlic is a totally kickass wing flavor: chips would be good here too.

#3 Chili - I know that some chips have recently added Chili as a flavor, but I mean to coat the entire chip in Chili Powder. When I make my award-winning oven fries Chili Powder is my go-to spice, with many a seduced comely lass to tell me it works! Bring on the heat!

#2 Mango - It seems to me that Citrus would dry better (and therefore translate to chips) than other fruits. A ripe mango taste would be perfect here. Mangos are sweet but not overpowering, and the added tang would be heavenly alongside the salt of the chip.

and the number one flavor I'd like to see on Potato Chips.....

#1 Chocolate - Frankly I cannot believe this hasn't happened yet. A thin dried potato chip is the perfect medium for chocolate. You could just add cocoa powder for a dark chocolate delight, or any amount of sugar and milk chocolate solids to make a truly sinful treat. Are you telling me that women wouldn't eat these by the truckload? Even the name is kismet: chocolate chips! I think I should get some congratulatory BJs just for thinking this up!

Someone contact Big Potato and get on that, okay?

But speaking of chips, you might ask, "Hyperion where does "chips" rank on the list of "Best uses of the Potato"?

I'm so very glad you asked, made-up reader! Without further ado....

THE TEN BEST WAYS TO USE A POTATO

#10 Salad – I’m not a big fan, but my mom assures me potato salad is good. I’ve heard there are non mayo versions, and I’d be more apt to try that.

#9 Scalloped – I don’t have a problem with these, but I’m reluctant to put these on the list, since they are basically au gratins without cheese. However, I’m told some people like them even more.

#8 Perogies - I've only come to know these since moving to Canada, but I am a fan. Plus, I've come up with an amazing way to prepare them.

#7 Baked – Kind of boring, but if you spice them up with cheese, butter, hamburger, chili, bacon—or better yet, all of them—it’s not a bad deal.

#6 Wedges – My mom assures me that this is different from fries. They’re dipped in batter or some seasoning before prepared. (I did have potato skins in this spot, but they are so boring that I took them out and am inserting wedges.)

#5 Hashbrowns – Back in Georgia there was this place called Waffle House, and you could order your hasbrowns scattered (broken up), smothered (onions), covered (melted cheese), chunked (ham), diced (tomatoes) and topped (chili).

#4 Au Gratin – cheese and potatoes. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

#3 Mashed – I’ve learned different way to prepare these, and I’m having so much fun with it. You can have creamy or chunky, skins on or off, and the flavoriings! You got your garlic mashed, your cheesy mashed, your herb mashed, and even your plain ol’ butter and milk is a solid winner every time.

#2 Chips – My current favorite (other than at the Buckhead Diner in Atlanta, where they serve them straight out of the oven with melted maytag blue-cheese running all over) are kettle chips. I just love those. Otherwise, I prefer non-ridges to ridges, but it’s really hard to ruin a potato chip anyway you look at it.

And the number one way to prepare a potato…..

#1 Fries – Whether they be criss-cut, curly, seasoned, steak or regular, fries are the best. We really shouldn’t even be calling them fries, as I actually bake mine, and they are to die for, but seeing as how we only recently dropped part of the name, I see no harm with keeping “fries” for awhile longer. (However, if anyone can give me a better name, I’m all ears.)

[Chip List originally written 2/19/07

Potato list originally written 4/28/06]

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Best 2011 Super Bowl Commercials

2011-02-07T12:21:00.002-05:00

I watched the Super Bowl in a Hotel Breakfast Nook, the only good TV in the joint, along with a few other weary travelers, a couple of maids and local police who kept popping in. (Tax dollars at work.)

Anyway, the general consensus is that this year’s ads weren’t as great as other years, but there were a few good ones. The ones I liked the best this year leaned more towards whimsical than hilarious or touching. Not sure if that says more about me or the general vibe.

The big winners for me were Bridgestone, Chevy and Eminem, each getting two entries in my list.

MY TEN FAVORITE COMMERCIALS FROM THE SUPER BOWL

#10 Bridgestone “Reply All” - Simple, well-executed, absurd and yet completely relatable.

#09 Eminem Lipton Brisk Ice Tea - Cute and didn’t seem too forced.

#08 Chevy Camaro - 2 guys design a commercial that changes as their idea does. The ending is what makes it.

#07 Kia Optima “Epic Ride” - I like when a car company will put on a big show to entertain me. This was entertaining, a mini-movie. Loved it. Explains the Aztecs completely.

#06 Chrysler 200 “Detroit” - Another good fit for Eminem, who blends in well with this classy “Detroit is back!” Ad. Love the tag line: “Chrysler 200: Imported from Detroit”

#05 HomeAway “Test Baby” - Okay, this wasn’t the greatest commercial, but it gets a high spot on my list for having my single favorite moment of the Super Bowl. More than the Beaver, the Bieber, the Force or Christina Aguillera forgetting the words to the National Anthem, I loved me some Test Baby!

#04 Bridgestone “Carma” - a fist-bump to the heart from a beaver; it’s as if God became a poet.

#03 Coca-Cola “War” - Anytime there’s a Dragon you have my attention. I would rather watch this movie than “Rio” or “Rango” or most of the coming animated films. Not 100% executed, but I love how Coca-Cola dreams big, and is confident enough to give us wordless wonder. A beautiful thing.

#02 Chevy Silverado “Lassie” - The best all-around commercial, and only trumped by #1’s off-the-charts Awwwwww Factor. A simple concept (the truck as "Lassie"), builds hilariously; anytime you can get a giant whale and a volcano in the same commercial you’re a winner. The dad’s mutterings are priceless.

and the number one Commercial of the 2011 Super Bowl is......

#01 Volkswagen Passat “The Force” - You could mark it down for not “branding” enough (It took me two times through to remember it was Volkswagen and another couple to see Passat) - but who cares. The kid is simply too cute for words. We’ve all been there, feeling the pain of not being able to unlock the magic within, and the kid’s reaction at the end is divine. A wonderful commercial, Hall of Fame forever.

Wanna see if you agree with my List? Check out all 63 Super Bowl ads here.

Note: the picture up top is from the best commercial in last year’s Super Bowl. I wanted to honor it since I never did a list.

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Groundhog Day Anagrams

2011-02-02T10:43:00.001-05:00

The Top Ten Anagrams of “GROUNDHOG DAY”

#10 Dryad Hug Goon - like a hockey goon, with leaves and boobs

#09 Our Doggy Hand - (I should get an award for the jokes I’m not making about this one)

#08 Hungry Dad Goo - “sadly, the look never caught on as the new cornucopia....”

#07 Dong Hoard Guy - as far as I’m concerned, this guy can suck a bag of dicks.

#06 Gory Gonad Duh - “after many false starts, soccer finally caught on in the U.S......”

#05 Orgy Hound Gad - just when you thought I’d go super-perverted I switch gears for the “Awwwwwww”

#04 Gaudy HornDog - okay, technically I'm one letter off, but you have to admit, it’s gaudy.

#03 Doughy Dragon - I’d have gone for this naked NOT SAFE FOR WORK version (alternative doughy dragon), but I figured I’m in enough trouble already without drawing the wrath of the furry police.

#02 Randy Good Hug - Oh, Big Ben......

and the number one Anagram for GROUNDHOG DAY is......

#01 Young Hard God - gives “live from the Apollo” a whole new meaning.....

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Rawry feels left out

2010-10-27T07:20:00.004-04:00

Rawry felt left out by yesterday's 31 Days of Rawr Anagrams, so I said he could do a list too. These are what he came up with:

THE BEST ANAGRAMS OF "THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF RAWRY"

#5 Stony Thyroid Wayfarer - Know what's not so great in banana pudding? Stony Thyroid Vanilla Wayfarers

#4 Testy Hoary Dwarf Irony - Not sure if Dwarf Irony means a small amount of irony or if it dwarfs regular irony

#3 Showy Randy Fairy Otter - This sounds like an Ohio State Fair 4-H project run amok.

#2 Rowdy Stony Fairy Heart - Oh, the complicated paradox of the heart of a fairy - rowdy, yet stony, too. Will anyone tame her?

and the number one Anagram for "Thirty-one Days of RAWRY" is.....

#1 Horny Tasty Rowed Fairy - our third "fairy" entry (I think we're learning something about Rawry), and a horny tasty fairy at that! I asked Rawry what the "rowed" meant and he made this obscene cowboy gesture, which just goes to show you that A) Rawry can't spell very well and B) hide your women, children and fairies when Rawry's out and about - for soon he'll be comin' down your rowed!

Hyperion (Pony Heir)

& Rawry (Ywarr!)

Unless you're too scared, Go to the 31 Days of RAWR!

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Anagram Warr

2010-10-26T07:17:00.001-04:00

THE BEST ANAGRAMS I COULD COME UP WITH USING "THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF RAWR"

#16 Hairy Dotty Forewarns - I'm not sure how many friends "Hairy Dotty" has, but when she speaks, you damn-well better listen!

#15 Shitty Donor Wayfarer - I'm pretty sure this guy has dated one (or more) of my Exes; what that says about me I don't know.

#14 Shanty Firewood Tarry - What this hotel needs is a shanty firewood tarry-cloth robe!

#11 (tie) Warrantied Frothy Soy Eastward Frothy Irony Newsy Frothy Radiator - I couldn't decide between these three, but Frothy Irony would make a great drink name.

#10 Thy Frontier Roadways - Who suddenly got a mad hunger to play the ol' Oregon Trail computer game?

9 Showy Retardation Fry - Speakin' of mad hunger, I'd think twice before chowing down on these dudes, ketchup or not.

#8 Often Worthy Disarray - If this was an inner-city home it would be often worthy disarray-ray.

#7 Hooray Tawny Drifters - I sure hope that's not the AFLAC Duck, or I ain't believin' in nothin' no more!

#6 Shadowy Fairy Torrent - A ballet fairy and a waterfall - is there anything more sinister?

#3 (tie) Nifty Arrowhead Story Tiny Frosty Arrowhead Forty Tiny Arrowheads - All three of these conjure short-story ideas. If only I wasn't so lazy I'd write them!

#2 Throaty Fairy Wonders - Would make the best gay band name ever.

and the number one Anagram of Thirty-One Days of Rawr! is .....

#1 Swarthy Fiery Tornado - This looks like a public service ad for acid reflux disease: "This is your intestine.....this is your intestine after Taco Bell.....any questions?"

Hyperion

(or Honey Rip, if you prefer)

Thanks to Jadriana for help with pictures

Unless you're too scared, Go to the 31 Days of RAWR!

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Vampires, Ghosts and Zombies

2010-10-05T04:44:00.001-04:00

[Back in 2005 I put out the call for scary-movie lists and my friend Ajax (who's since passed) sent me not one but three lists. To honor him I thought I would reprint his lists. The links all go to Amazon.com, and if you buy anything they send me a shiny nickel. -Hyperion]

TOP TEN VAMPIRE MOVIES

10. Lost Boys

9. Dracula (1992)

8. John Carpenter's Vampires

7. Blade

6. Once Bitten

5. From Dusk Til Dawn

4. Nosferatu (1922)

3. Underworld

2. Fright Night

1. Near Dark

Hyperion's note: there is one Vampire movie (which I will be reviewing next week) that I think would have topped Ajax's list if he'd lived long enough to see it. I would have paid money to see Twilight with him, just to witness his anguish.

TOP TEN GHOST MOVIES

10. 13 Ghosts

9. Ghost

8. Frighteners

7. Sixth Sense

6. Ghostbusters

5. Beetlejuice

4. Topper

3. The Others

2. Scrooged

1. White Noise

Hyperion's Note - I wasn't allowed to see Ghostbusters or Beetlejuice as a kid, and to this day I have honored that parental decree

TOP TEN ZOMBIE MOVIES

10. Army Of Darkness

9. Bubba Ho-Tep

8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

7. Dead/Alive

6. Shaun of the Dead

5. The Serpent and the Rainbow

4. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

3. Friday the 13th, part II and onwards

2. Pet Sematary

1. Resident Evil

Hyperion's Note: Don't hate, but I just don't get the appeal of Zombies. Maybe one day I'll learn.

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Dance with the Devil

2010-10-01T21:09:00.001-04:00

The Best Movie "Devils" Ever

#10 Peter Stormare (CONSTANTINE) – A tiny part, but one played with chilling effectiveness.

#9 Viggo Mortensen (PROPHECY) – I have to take Ajax’s word for this, which is why he only goes here. If I saw the movie I might rank him higher.

#8 Tim Curry (LEGEND) – The only good thing about this movie

#7 Max Von Sydow (NEEDFUL THINGS) – I was going to go with Randal Flagg from THE STAND, but Sydow just creeps me out. [This is actually Sydow from a different movie, but I thought it more appropriate]

#6 Walter Huston (THE DEVIL AND DANIEL WEBSTER) – Okay, Scratch isn’t your typical devil, but I kind of like this more innocent take.

#5 Devil-Flanders and Satan from SOUTH PARK – Of course leave it to animation to get it right. I especially love Satan in SOUTH PARK the movie. How often do you feel sorry for the guy?

#4 Gabriel Byrne (END OF DAYS) – I love Love LOVE that scene in the restaurant. right after Byrne is possessed. (Here's an edited version in another language; redacted boobies make Rawry cry. I wish they would go back and make the movie again, but just about Byrne. This is such an awesome performance.)

#3 Jack Nicholson (THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK) – Do you have time for a quote from Jack?

“Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit. I really wanna know. Or do you think it was another one of His minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, FLOODS? You think women are like that? S'matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We ALL make mistakes. Of course, when WE make mistakes they call it evil. When GOD makes mistakes, they call it... nature. So whaddya think? Women... a mistake... or DID HE DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE?”

#2 Al Pacino (THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE) – Again, how much do I love the restaurant scene? I like how (at least for awhile), Pacino underplays his John Milton. Also that red-headed daughter? Why can’t she be naked in every movie? (This should be a law)

and the number one appearance of Lucifer in art.....

#1 Robert DeNiro (ANGEL HEART) – This movie scared the hell out of me, not the least of which was DeNiro’s Louie Cipher (Lisa Bonet scared me too). I would have loved to seen an entire movie on DeNiro here. Powerful stuff.

Honorable Mention: Bill Cosby (THE DEVIL AND MAX GOULD) and George Burns (O GOD, YOU DEVIL) – Neither movie or performance is what you’d call good, but they get points for playing against type (more on that later in the week)

Dishonorable Mention: Elizabeth Hurley (BEDAZZLED) – If the horned one was going to be a woman, obviously she’d be a blonde.

Big thanks to Ajax for helping me create this list.

Unless you're too scared, Go to the 31 Days of RAWR!

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Misnamed

2010-09-16T07:36:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about names lately, especially things that are mis-named. What's up with that? We want people new to America to learn English, the least we can do is call things what they are! Below I have listed some of the worst examples.

THE MOST MISNAMED THINGS IN THE WORLD (AND POSSIBLY THE SOLAR SYSTEM) TODAY

#17 Turtles - I guess I shouldn't complain, since real turtles don't taste this good, but the principle....

#16 Urinal Cake - Come to think of it, why would you eat a real cake in a urinal? Again, though, the principle!

#15 Sweetbread - There are Bad Carbs, and then there's just friggin' ridiculous.

#14 Paradise, Michigan - I don't know where Paradise is, but I know sure as shootin' it ain't in Michigan.

#13 Headcheese - I'm not quite sure what I expected headcheese to look like, but that ain't it.

#12 Grape Nuts - I've yet to figure out what Grape Nuts are, but I know two things it is not: grapes and nuts.

#11 Rocky Mountain Oysters - If you're ordering Oysters all the way in the Rocky Mountains, you really have no one to blame.

#10 Cheesecake - It doesn't taste like cheese or cake - it just tastes awful, and anyone who disagrees with me is clearly with the terrorists.

#09 Poker Chips - As Homer would say, "Don't try to eat these so-called chips."

#08 Tossed Salad - Umm....I must have made a mistake on this one. Just ignore it...coughcough

#07 Elephant Ears - My biggest complaint - no way those are the right size! Make 'em Elephant-size and I'm flexible on the pastry.

#06 Naked Lunch - To quote Nelson Muntz, "I can think of at least two things wrong with that title."

#05 Spotted Dick - I would have bet money this was a Venereal Disease. Looking at the picture, don't rule that out.

#04 Bearclaws - I thought eating a bear would give me the strength of a bear, but all I got was a sugar-coma.

#03 Hot Dog - If we do end up going the literal way, I vote for poodles first. As much as those dogs are pampered, they have to be the Kobe Beef of dogs.

#02 Black Light - For the last time - IT'S PURPLE. CALL IT A PURPLE LIGHT!

and the number one _______ is......

#01 NeverEnding Story - 'Nuff said.

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Watermelon Jones

2010-09-13T08:35:00.002-04:00

A few years ago Gwyneth Paltrow named her child Apple, which set off a round of mockery for her choices. I'm fairly sure I was a part of it. But the longer I live, the more I come around. In the future, names will get more and more distinctive and less of a stigma than a benefit to be unusual. (I've been saying this for years: urban black women are WAY ahead of the curve.)

I am an expert on names - the greatest who ever lived. Unlike some who only look at...well, nothing, I think of how a name feels to hear, how it feels to say...the mouth feel of words as they roll off the tongue. I know some of you will shake your head at this - but hear me, disbelieving idiots - the way a word sounds and feels is every bit as important to conveying meaning and experience as the alleged meaning a word has. Hear me, and know it for Truth!

Back to fruit though: why not? They are delicious, nutritious, usually pretty to look at, and every name means something. As for the whole "kids will make fun of them" argument, give me a break. This is overblown, and any fears are outgrown soon. Later on the child will be happy with an unusual name. However, while I support Gwyneth's philosophy, I don't personally care for Apple as a name. Thus, being helpful to anyone else out there looking to name their child after a juicy fruit (but not Juicyfruit - if you're going gum, you can't be Hubba Bubba for a boy or Wrigley for a girl), I have the five best fruits to consider, as well as five you should leave alone.

THE TOP FIVE FRUITS THAT WOULD MAKE TERRIBLE NAMES FOR A KID

#5 Banana - the syllables sound a little bit silly strung together, and then there's the whole visual aspect...

#4 Kiwi - Don't take away one of the three things New Zealand has!

#3 Gooseberry - You're just asking for trouble. Why not name the kid Pat McCrotch while you're at it?

#2 Ulgi Fruit - Visually, verbally, viscerally....if you can't figure this out, please sterilize yourself...NOW.

and the number one fruit that would make a terrible name for a kid....

#1 Kumquat - Sounds like a Middle-Eastern porn star. Best stay away.

THE TOP FIVE FRUITS THAT WOULD MAKE GOOD NAMES FOR A KID

#5 Loganberry - Logan is already a popular name for a kid, so this is just adding some extra juice. What's not to love?

#4 Mango - If I were a rapper, I would strongly consider calling myself Big Mango....you better recognize...fool!

#3 Peach - Tell me this wouldn't make a great name for a girl! She sounds delicious! And you could call her Peachy for short. This is a total winner.

#2 Blueberry - I've heard from naysayers on Twitter that this sounds like a stripper name, but they were all on drugs. I maintain Blueberry Butterscotch would be a name worthy of the gods. You cannot deny this.

and the number one fruit that would make a good name for a kid....

#1 Tangerine - When I started this list I assumed Blueberry would be #1 no problem....Tangerine sort of came out of the blue for me. Nicknames of Tangy or Tangery - both awesome - and Tangerine just sounds....neat. It would totally work. Now go have yourself a kid and try it out!

Extra

Two years ago I ranked the Top Ten Fruits by their Deliciousness

Credits

Thanks to Jadriana for the pics. You are definitely one fruity girl.

Thanks to Orangelo and Limongelo for advice

Thanks to Kenya allowing me to grow up there and cultivate such a love for fruit

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Miss Universe

2010-08-25T06:41:00.001-04:00

On Monday night they held the Miss Universe Pageant, eventually picking Miss Mexico (Jimena Navarrete) as the winner out of 83 contestants. That's all well and good, but with Miss Pluto not even considered I cannot accept the legitimacy of the Miss Universe Pageant.

As such, I decided to go through the list and pick my own Top Ten. I mainly used these pictures provided by the Pageant itself (although some of the pictures didn't give a very good look, so much supplemental research was needed.) I asked my friend Jadriana to pick her own Top Ten list independently; I thought it would be a good juxtaposition. She had her list done in like 4 minutes. Me? It took me 40 minutes to go down from 83 to 42, and another two hours to get down to 18. The final cut to 10 was excruciating.

This backs up a long-held belief I have about women: they love to judge other women. They are much better at it than men, too. Everyone says men judge women on their looks, but the truth is men are much more inclusive in their list of hotties. It usually boils down to "girls I'd do," "girls I'd do but not proudly," "girls I'd do but not tell anyone," and "girls I'd do after I got drunk first." That last category men like to call the "women I'd never sleep with list." You get my point: men are easy to please.

On the other hand, a woman looks at another woman and instantly knows the last time she shaved her legs, if she gained four ounces since the weekend and what brand of shampoo she's using. Go figure.

As I was making the tough cuts (seriously: take a look at these girls - and click on each icon for full size - it's hard to narrow down!) Jadriana felt the need to mock me. "It takes you that long? I look at the face... if i don't like the face it doesn't matter how big the tits are."

I spluttered in indignation. "Just because someone cares enough to take the time to do the job right is no reason to criticize!"

"Are you basing your picks on whether you'd sleep with them? Don't do that - we'll be here all night."

See what I mean? Women just like to judge.

Anyway, eventually I managed to come up with ten, so I am putting down both lists below, along with pithy comments. If you have a different list than mine (which I doubt - mine is correct), leave your list in the comments.

WHAT "SHOULD" HAVE BEEN THE TOP 10 MISS UNIVERSE CONTESTANTS

According to Jadriana....

#10 - Miss Australia (Jesinta Campbell) - I think she has that "natural" look, even though that has never been a factor for me.

#9 - Miss Greece (Anna Prelevic) - Love her warm sunkissed skin.

#8 - Miss Slovak Republic (Anna Amenova) - Why do I have a hankerin' to hear the tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?

#7 - Miss Sweden (Michaela Savic) - I like that she looks like she could be a real bitch if she had to be.

#6 - Miss Argentina (Yesica Di Vincenzo) - She just has beautiful eyes and a trusting smile.

#5 - Miss Urugauy (Stephany Ortega) - Cat-like green eyes. Meow.

#4 - Miss Peru (Giuliana Zevallos) - Maybe it's just me, but she has that "spy" look about her. I like it. I like it a lot.

#3 - Miss Czech Republic (Jitka Valkova) - She looks "gypsy" to me - wild, untamed, and a handful.

#2 - Miss Guam (Vanessa Torres) - Smoldering in an unassuming way. Love it!

#1 - Miss Malaysia (Nadine Ann Thomas) - Last, but not least, my number one pick for Miss Universe, Miss Malaysia. I would switch teams for this one. Dark, dangerous, gorgeous... what else is there?

And now the Correct list, according to Hyperion......

#10 Miss Lebanon (Rahaf Abdallah) - There's something innocent yet corruptible about her.

#9 Miss Uruguay (Stephany Ortega) - Her hair reminds me of reins

#8 Miss Australia (Jesinta Campbell) - MustnotmakeDownUnderjoke MustnotmakeDownUnderjoke MustnotmakeDownunderjoke.....

#7 Miss Argentina (Yesica de Vincenzo) - I bet those legs can do some serious damage

#6 Miss Canada (Elena Semikina) - I just realized Blonde Beaver would make a Fabulous Canadian band name

#5 Miss Sweden (Michaela Savic) - There is a shampoo endorsement deal in Michaela's future.

#3 Miss Croatia (Lana Obad) - Why am I suddenly thinking of a speech Cary Elwes gave Robin Wright Penn when she was about to use a knife?

#4 Miss Bolivia (Claudia Arce Lemaitre) - Look for B'Olivia soon as a girls' name. (And look for me in Bolivia, chasing her)

#2 Miss Russia (Irina Antonenko) - Sometimes all you can do is stare

And Hyperion's number one Miss Universe contestant for 2010 is....

#1 Miss Denmark (Ena Sandra Causevic) - It's hard to explain why I chose her #1. It's in the eyes, or the lips, or the....you know, give me a month to look into it and I'll get back to you.

See what place everyone actually came in

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DreamSong

2010-07-23T09:03:00.000-04:00

In honor of the movie INCEPTION, I wanted to Rank the best songs with the word DREAM in the title. I came up with 16 that stood above the rest. Below is my list (with a handy embedded video at the end to listen to them all in order if you want). Enjoy!

THE BEST SONGS EVER (FOREVER-EVER?) WITH THE WORD "DREAM" IN THE TITLE

#16 Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean

Right up there with "Snakes on a Plane" as far as informative titles.

#15 Daydream - The Lovin' Spoonful

Despite the fact the band name traces back to Coffee, this is a great song.

#14 Boulevard Of Broken Dreams – Green Day

Little known fact: original title was "Avenue of Achy-Breaky Hearts," but had to be changed after Monsieur Cyrus showed up.

#13 Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

I always wished they'd teamed up with Firehouse and Counting Crows to form Counting Crow-ded Firehouse

#12 Dream Lover - Bobby Darin

I know I should think of Kevin Spacey when Darin comes up, but for me, mention of Darin's name always conjures that scene in Family Guy (16:48 mark).

#11 All I Have To Do Is Dream - Everly Brothers

I can hardly ever dream about what I want to. Did the Everly Brothers have special powers?

#10 I Have A Dream - Abba

I heart Eurovision so much!

#9 Dream On - Aerosmith

My top 5 moments (in some order) of Aerosmith are: RUN/DMC collaboration, the Janie's Got a Gun video, the Love in an Elevator video, the inspired decision to make a triptych involving Alicia Silverstone and when Steven Tyler goes from singing "Dream on" in one octave and suddenly springs into full on falsetto scream. Love it.

#8 Dreamlover - Mariah Carey

Don't hate: You Loved It Too!!!

#7 Only In My Dreams - Debbie Gibson

Look at that energy, that charisma, that magic! It's like Britney, minus the crazy. (Seriously. I know you're probably not a Debbie Gibson fan, but watch that video for two minutes and tell me you're not impressed. I dare you.)

#6 Sweet Dreams of You - Patsy Cline

I totally forgot about Patsy until I was done, forcing me to have to re-number everything! This is really an underrated mope song after a breakup. Highly recommended.

#5 Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

I was taking my sister once somewhere and there was dry lightning, followed by thunder (which always scares her). I pointed out the Thunder, and she disagreed, saying "Thunder only happens when it's raining." Damn you, Stevie Nicks, for miseducating our kids! You're a meteorological monster and you don't care who you hurt!

#4 Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics

Not to be pedantic, but grammatically this song is either completely out of order or Annie needs psychiatric help. (Don't rule out "both")

#3 California Dreamin' - The Mamas and the Papas

I changed the order of my top 3 at least a dozen times. I absolutely love the harmony of this song.

#2 Dreams - Cranberries

I tried to figure out the video for a week until I realized - "Oh yeah, Dreams are confusing." This may not be the flashiest Cranberries song but coming back again and again and again it's gotta be right at the top.

and the Number One Song with "Dream" in the title is......

#1 Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Mama Cass

It seems like a simple song, but it is simply elegant and you simply cannot do better.

HONORABLE MENTION (links go to videos)

Dream Weaver - Gary Wright

Your Wildest Dreams - The Moody Blues

Dream Police - Cheap Trick

Dream Baby and Beautiful Dreamer - Roy Orbison

River Of Dreams - Billy Joel

Daydream Believer - The Monkees

These Dreams - Heart

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Cinderella

The Dream Is Still Alive - Wilson Phillips

Wanna listen to all the songs back-to-back without having to do a bunch of clicking? I got you covered, homey!

Permanent URL for my Dream-Song List

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July 22, 2010

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