The Winnie Cooper Hall of Fame

Do you ever sit around with friends and say something like, "Whatever happened to ____? She was so insanely hot in X, but then just disappeared..."

Well, maybe it's just me, because I think about these things quite often. So much so, I decided to do a top five list of actresses/singers who were so smoking and then just...poof.

Obviously I was going to call it the Winnie Cooper Hall of Fame.

Except...

Winnie Cooper doesn't really belong on the list. As I most emphatically proved in a Monkey Barn post last September, Danica McKellar is still alive and quite kicking. And, according to her IMDB Page, she's been working pretty steadily since The Wonder Years, just not in anything as iconic as Winnie Cooper.

Anyway, since I thought she deserved to be the list's namesake, I'm still calling it that, for now.

Random Note: As I was doing research for this list, I looked up the chick Mercedes from LICENSE TO DRIVE, since she was super hot and I hadn't seen her since. To my absolute shock I found out the girl was...actually, I can't even say it. See for yourself, if you must. Me, I feel the need to shower.

THE TOP FIVE NEW ENTRANTS TO THE WINNIE COOPER HALL OF FAME

#5 Catherine Bach (Daisy Duke) - Without her, there might never be ultra-tiny denim shorts or hopes that this year the family reunion would produce some real lookers. Catherine isn't even the hottest member of her family (her sister was a Bond girl and married Ringo Starr), but she'll always be my favorite.

#4 Kelly LeBrock (Weird Science Girl) - I don't mean to offend, but was there a better pair of tits in the '80s? (And they were real, too; bonus.) The picture is hard to see, but click on it and then let the natural enlarger work. That's a body! Kelly might have been single-handily responsible for the Science/technology boom of the late '80s/early '90s. Random note: the older brother? That was Bill Paxton! (BTW, thanks to McFrosty, who came up with this one while I am at the hotel. I wonder if that means she likes girls...)

#3 Maxine Bahns (Hope in SHE'S THE ONE) Edward Burns's second film has arguably the best-looking female cast of all time. Consider: Cameron Diaz at her absolute apex, Jennifer Aniston, when she still had the hair and enough weight on her that men were on hard-core lust and Amanda Peet, before we realized she couldn't act. But topping them all was Maxine Bahns, who plays Hope, the girl who marries Ed Brurns's character on the spur of the moment. There was just something about her...and we never heard of her again.


#2 Alanna Myles - The year was 1991. The song was "Black Velvet," a driving Southern Rock ballad with just a touch of Skynyrd and a whole lot of sex to it. Alanna's appeal went waaaaaay beyond her looks. You have to see her in action to comprehend, which is why I have given you this video. Please enjoy.

and the number one Inaugural Winnie Cooper All Star...

#1 Mia Sara (Sloane Peterson, and if you don't know where from, you suck) - I guarantee at least twice in your life you've been watching FERRIS and thought, "Whatever happened to Sloane?" She was hot, true, but there was something about her face. A quirk of her mouth, maybe, that said she wouldn't mind being bent over your grandmother's kitchen table, WHILE YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS PLAYING MAH JONG WITH HER FRIENDS. Well, you get the idea. In fact, Sloane Peterson is such a perfect capper to this list that from now on I'm going to call it the Sloane Peterson All Stars.


Now Taking Applications.

I'm bugged

THE TOP FIVE THINGS BUGGING ME LATELY

#5 Ghosts in Movies/TV - You know how when there's a ghost on TV or the movies they always go through walls, furniture, and even people? It's because they are incorporeal; I get it. But answer me this: why don't they fall through the floor? If they are so immaterial, how is it these so-called "ghosts" stand on whatever surface presented to them?

#4 Pulled out of the Car - You always see it, a cop (or criminal), stopping a citizen and commandeering his car. But here's the thing: even if you stopped when flagged down, you'd simply put on the brakes, not put the car in park. Therefore, when the person gets out (or more often: is pulled out), the car should keep rolling, causing an accident, or at lest giving the hero/villain something more to worry about. But it never does. I hate it that movies can't take the time to get this small detail right.

#3 Calling all remotes - How have they not done this yet? Every remote should "beep" when called by the phone, so you can find it. They don't even need their own phone number. Remotes could be programmed to respond to a dial of "999" or something such, and only for 20 feet away from the phone in question. Honestly, how much hell is it when you're all comfortable and can't find the remote control? And we can't fix this?

#2 Online Gift Cards - Gift Cards are hellasweet, but sometimes you don't have the time to get to the store, or there isn't one near you, etc. Online Gift Cards would be so sweet. You log in with a code or something, and the gift purchaser already pays the shipping for whatever amount you've been given. Then, it's up to you to browse to your heart's content and pick out exactly what you want. This is such a great idea I firmly believe it will be done soon. I just wish I could cash in on it.

And the number one thing bugging me lately:

#1 Not Flushed Away - How $&^%*ing hard is it to flush a public restroom toilet? I get peeved when people don't return the shopping cart to the store, or at least one of the repositories in the parking lot. But you can at least understand that logic: walking 25-30 feet is hard!

But how hard is it to reach your foot up and press a lever? Would you leave a toilet unflushed at home? Why is it that I see this all the time? What possible justification is there for leaving the next person your refuse? If you're one of these people, I offer you the chance to explain in the comments. Then I offer you the chance to run, as I will hunt you down and beat you to death with a stick.

Dragon's Oscar Fashion Picks

I had a great time watching the Oscars last night. I wanted to to share with you my favourite dresses of the night. By the way, don't forget to check out Hyperion's Oscar run down. Pretty darn funny.

10. Kate Winslet looked lovely in this pale green Valentino gown.

9. Jessica Biel looked a little 'chilly' in this raspberry Oscar de la Renta dress.

8. Rachel Weisz went "old Hollywood" in this platinum Vera Wang gown.

7. Will Smith got to take home a golden statue after all. Jada Pinkett Smith glowed in this gold Carolina Herrera gown.

6. Helen Mirren was Hollywood royalty in the Christian Lacroix gown.

#5. Jennifer Lopez never disappointment me. She was simply stunning in this crystal-encrusted lilac Marchesa gown.


#4. Gwyneth Paltrow looked very sexy in her salmon coloured Zac Posen gown.

#3. Cate Blanchett was shimmering in this silver mesh Armani gown.

#2. Wow! Being single seems to agree with Reese Witherspoon. I loved this layered deep purple Nina Ricci gown.

#1. This was the first gown I saw last night and what can I say, I fell in love. It was couture at its most glamorous best. Penelope Cruz was a romantic vision in this blush coloured Versace gown.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know.

xo,
Dragon

Potato Chips

For the longest time potato chip flavors were pretty much limited to the big three: Cheddar Cheese (which really wasn't all that cheesy); Barbecue (which really wasn't all tha barbecuey); and Sour Cream and Onion (which was quite a feat in itself, seing as how Hyperion liked the chips, while simultaneously disliking both sour cream and and onions).



I don't know if it was lack of imagination or just the difficulty in getting a real world flavor to translate as a dried spice on the chip. In recent years several other flavors have been added, some with more sucess than others. Salt and Pepper and Vinegar don't do much for me, and the Ketchup flavored one is only so so. Kettle Chips have made some headway, but those chips are so good anything they do is usually awesome.



The potato is such a versatile food, people should be making all sorts of flavors. I have taken it upon myself to come up with a few. Those of you who are in Contact with Big Potato: get these ideas to them, and make sure my royalties are covered:

THE TOP SIX POTATO CHIP FLAVORS I WANT TO SEE

#6 Pina Colada - My mom actually suggested this, but it's a good idea. Coconut, pineapple and a dried rum liquer flavoring would make a pretty great chip!

#5 Coca Cola - This is a natural fit. I think that signature fizzy taste on your tongue would go great on a potato chip, and this might lead to a whole new round of polar bear commercials!

#4 Honey - This sweet and salty combo would be out of this world good. BONUS: Honey Garlic is a totally kickass wing flavor: chips would be good here too.

#3 Chili - I know that some chips have recently added Chili as a flavor, but I mean to coat the entire chip in Chili Powder. When I make my award-winning oven fries Chili Powder is my go to spice, with many a secuded comely lass to tell me it works! Bring on the heat!

#2 Mango - It seems to me that Citrus would dry better (and therefore translate to chips) better than other fruits. my mom wanted Watermelon Kiwi, but they are two waterbased. A ripe mango taste would be perfect here. Mangos are sweet but not overpowering, and the added tang would be heavenly alongside the salt of the chip.

and the number one flavor I'd like to see on Potato Chips.....

#1 Chocolate - Frankly I cannot believe this hasn't happened yet. A thin dried potato chip is the perfect medium for chocolate. You could just add cocoa powder for a dark choloate delight, or any amount of sugar and milk cholate solids to make a truly sinful treat. Are you telling me that women wouldn't eat these by the truckload? Even the name is kismet: chocolate chips! I think I should get some congratulatory BJs just for thinking this up!

Put Tracy Lynn In Charge

In honor of Tracy Lynn's birthday, and in view of her, um, uniqute talents, I have compiled a Top Five List of things

Tracy Lynn Should be in Charge of:

#5 The Cartoon Network - Who here doesn't think TL could overhaul it and throw out the crappy cartoons, and possibly split the Channel into a Kids' and full-time Adult version? I for one would pay HBO prices for a Cartoon Network run by her.


#4 Bitch-Slapping Idiots - When I rule the world, this will be a full-time cabinet level position. First up: those idiot parents of that poor boy they found last week who keep dragging him on every show imaginable. Cock your wrist, TL.


#3 Finding bin Laden - It's the perfect bait: If the Bocacious Rack can't draw bin Laden out of hiding, nothing can.


#2 Running Haiti - Seriously: someone needs to help those poor people. I can't think of anyone with a better combination of compassion/tough love than our girl.


and


#1 Ninja - Every since Diana died the Ninja have been leaderless. The time has come, Tracy Lynn. Now more than ever, the Ninja need you. Will you accept the call?

Happy Birhtday, TL, and I hope to see all of you again soon.