35th Wedding Anniversary

Today is my parents' 35th Wedding Anniversary, a feat that sort of blows my mind. I tried to put this in perspective, by taking a look at the number 35. I found out that 35 is a Tetrahedral Number, and is the sum of the first five Triangular Numbers. Here, look:

0 + 1 = 1
0 + 1 + 2 = 3
0 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 6
0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 10
0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 = 15

1 + 3 + 6 + 10 + 15 = 35

Tada!

However, my mom might be reading this, and she hates math like she hates spicy food, so maybe numerology isn't the way to go.


Then I tried June 23rd. Obviously my parents' wedding is the most important event to ever happen on June 23, but other things happened too, right? Things like:

1661 - Marriage contract between Charles II of England & Catharina of Portugal.
1794 - Empress of Russia Catherine II grants Jews permission to settle in Kiev.
1888 - Frederick Douglass is the first African-American nominated for US president.
1969 - Warren E. Burger is sworn in as chief justice of the United States Supreme Court


Hmm. My family has always been pro Russian-Jews, and everyone likes a good burger, but by and large, not a momentous day before the wedding. This makes sense, actually, as June 23, 1972 was one of the fulfillments of prophecy, leading to my birth.

How, you ask? Well, with my parents' view on morality, without them getting married, I would have never been born. And we do all agree that my birth is the culmination of history, right?

Speaking of births, surely some interesting people were born on June 23, like:

47 BC - Pharaoh Ptolemy XV of Egypt
1373 - Queen Joan II of Naples
1456 - Margaret of Denmark, wife of James III of Scotland
1894 - Alfred Kinsey, American entomologist and sexologist
1927 - Bob Fosse, American choreographer
1929 - June Carter Cash, American singer
1948 - Clarence Thomas, U.S. Supreme Court Justice
1957 - Frances McDormand, American actress
1963 - Colin Montgomerie, Scottish golfer
1964 - Joss Whedon, American producer, director, and screenwriter
1972 - Selma Blair, American actress
1972 - Zinedine Zidane, French footballer
1977 - Jason Mraz, American singer and songwriter
1979 - LaDainian Tomlinson, American football player
1980 - Ramnaresh Sarwan, Guyanese cricketer

Not a total strike-out here. My parents were big fans of Joss Whedon's Firefly, and they live for Guyanese cricket, and Queen Joan II has always been like a grandmother to me, but still, nothing too earth shattering.

Finally I turned to the Anniversary Gift Guide. You've heard of this: year wedding anniversary has a "traditional" gift. Like 1 year is paper, 2 years is cotton, 3 years is a leather whip and so on.

35 year has two of them (It's a greedy year): Coral and Jade. Now, obviously I have no money, and what money I do come across goes for starving children. However, I managed to come up with two lists, gifts made out of Coral and Jade, that I WOULD buy my parents, if I could. (There are 5 coral gifts and 7 jade gifts, because 5x7 = 35! I am such a nerd)

THE TOP FIVE CORAL GIFTS THAT HYPERION WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIS PARENTS ON THEIR 35TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, WERE HIS READERS TO EVER ACTUALLY PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE FOR THE WONDERFUL BOUNTY THAT IS THE HYPERION INSTITUTE (NOT THAT HE'S BITTER)

#5 CORAL CANDLE - How cool is this? Now, if I could only change my parents' anniversary to September of last year, and their names to Andrew and Marjorie I would be all set.


#4 CORAL DOG - I admit, he's sort of ugly, but how can you not love him?


#3 CORAL STATUE - If you look closely, you will see that the dude loves his heavy metal.


#2 CORAL RING - Talk about "my precious"! You just know someone is important when they wear a ring like that.


#1 CORAL BEAR - Now more than ever, the world needs Coral Bears. Besides making a great band name, I bet they could totally protect you from Murderous Amethyst Pumas.

THE TOP SEVEN JADE GIFTS HYPERION WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIS PARENTS FOR THEIR 35TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (SEE ABOVE FOR OUTRAGE)

#7 JADE OLMEC - There's a reason Olmec has been around for 3000 years. Because he's cool, that's why!



#6 JADE THINGY - I really have no idea what this is, but I could look at it for hours.



#5 JADE HIPPO - My dad really likes hippos for some reason. Can't pass this one up.



#4 JADE TEAPOT - Dude, you know you're rollin' large when you can serve tea in a jade teapot! Look at those cups!



#3 JADE DRAGON - No jade collection would be complete without a dragon. It brings class and prestige to any home.



#2 JADE JESUS - I didn't even know there was such a thing as white jade. I'm reminded of the words of St. Manny: "The Savior never looks more loving than when carved out of precious stone." Deep, huh?



#1 JADE ELEPHANT - I thought it would be impossible to top Jade Jesus, but just look at that thing! It looks like it's 6000 years old. (Ooh, maybe it's from the Garden of Eden!) Everyone who makes it to 35 years deserves a Jade Elephant; at least, that's what I say!


And I say Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!