May 15, 2007

Music Hybrids (Part 2)

And now we continue our look at the Musical Hybrid Acts I'd most like to see. Yesterday was 20-11, today it's the Top Ten, Baby





#10 Black Eyed Crows - Hey Baby, let me light your candles so they will turn into lumps of wax. My lovely Waxy Lumps.






#9 Motorloaf - I have no idea what they would sing, but I bet that bat gets outta Hell quick with a V-8 engine.







#8 Bobby Darin Duran - We're hungry like a wolf, but luckily Mac the Knife is nearby.






#7 Barry Whitesnake - Ain't gonna be nooo pussy left for the roadies, I tells ya.







#6 Backstreet Boyz II Men - I've heard one of these groups can actually sing, but I can't remember which.







#5 New Kids on the Block Sabbath - The only trouble brewing I can see is that it's 3 to 1 that Ozzy bites Joey's head off before the tour ends, but how can this be anything but a good thing?







#4 Jay-Z/DC - We're on the highway to Hell (so put yo' damn hands up)






#3 R Kelly Clarkson [Note: we regret to inform you that the joke Hyperion originally wrote has been removed because it was so filthy Redd Foxx came back to life just to have a heart-attack. Sorry for the inconvenience.]








#2 Hilary Duff Leppard - We've heard Duff's music described as sugary, but the spotted boys seem to like it that way. (Let's just hope she makes it through tour without too many Love Bites.)





and the number one music hybrid I'd like to see is....




#1 Celine Deyonce - Oh, you'd fuck her, but one of the two of you would have to die right after to avoid pillow talk. (And on that note, let's everybody sing a rousing chorus of "My Booty Will Go On!")

May 14, 2007

Music Hybrids

Years ago I predicted "fusion" or "hybrid" music as the next big thing. Of course (as usual), I was correct, as the music genres blended toward each other, with the biggest unifying sector being Hip-Hop (again, just as I predicted). Some even had the idea to do mash-ups, which I didn't actually think of but goes right along with my theories.

Anyway, the other day I got to thinking that it would be cool if we could literally mash musical groups together and see what kind of songs they'd come up with. For years I've longed for a Mariah Carey/Metallica World Tour, and I've have given a pretty penny to hear Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin sing Head Like a Hole.

But me being me, I had to get all clever, so instead of Mariah Carey and Metallica, I'd have something like Mariah Carey + Carrie Underwood = Mariah Carey Underwood. Lame, I know, but I bet you dollars to donuts you crack up at least four times.

Before we get to the Top 20 List, here are a few HMs:


HONORABLE MENTION
Desiree Charles
Tori Amos Def
Widespread Panic at the Disco
Alexisonearthwindandfire
Mamas and Papa Roach
Grand Master Flash Railroad
Mariah Carey Underwood
The WHOdini
Garth Brooks and Dunn
Sinead B.T.O. Connor

Hopefully you've caught on how this works by now, but if not, ask a "cooler" co-worker to explain it to you. (You see, If Tori Amos and Mos Def merged into one, they'd be Tori Amos Def.)

Anyway, here are the



Top 20 Musical Hybrids I'd like to See






#20 Three Snoop Dogg Night - Snoop looks like he'd fit right in, don't he?



#19 Blue Oyster Cult Jam (featuring Full Force) - I think I would be scared to go to this column, but I find "Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam (Featuring Full Force)" to be one of the funniest groups to even say, so how could I not pair them up?







#18 Spin Doctor Dre - When you mix the epitome of Cool with its complete antithesis, what do you get? (All I know is Little Miss better not be wrong, or she'll find a cap in her ass.)







#17 Patti Aerosmith - What can I say? Sometimes Love in an Elevator just ain't enough....




#16 RUN DMCCR - If only for the afterparty.....






#15 Alice Cooper in Chains - I been caught being hot for the Teacher once (when I was five).






#14 Two Live Motley Crew - One and One, we're havin' some fun (in the Makeup Room all day, and all of the night).




#12 Rolling Stone Temple Pilots - If you're half the man you used to be...(no wonder you can't get no satisfaction).





#11 Elton John Bon Jovi - "On a Rhinestone-studded steel horse I ride...."


Up Next: the Top Ten


[Special thanks to both my sisters for ideas]



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