September 19, 2006

Morgan Freeman

In honor of the Morgan Freeman movie I reviewed today, I thought I would list the best Morgan Freeman movies. These are not the ten best performances, mind you (how do you even judge his performances, as they are all, in a word, awesome?), but the ten best movies. Koz helped me with the list, although he wants it noted for the record that in his opinion #3 is ranked too high and #8 should not be there at all.



THE TOP TEN MOVIES MORGAN FREEMAN HAS APPEARED IN








#10 Unforgiven (1992) - Ned Logan [I do not care for the film, but so many do I had to put it in here somewhere]




#9 Lean on Me (1989) - Joe Clark [Classic Mo, as his friends like to call him. (Actually, I have no idea if that is true, but I like to think it is)]




#8 Nurse Betty (2000) .... Charlie [Very underrated and misunderstood film. Freeman's chemistry with Chris Rock is great.]




#7 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) .... Azeem [Probably the best part of the movie...otehr than the song]




#6 Batman Begins (2005) .... Lucius Fox [How sweet was that early Batmobile?]




#5 Se7en (1995) .... Detective Lt. William Somerset [I know a certain someone who watched this for the first time the other night and then couldn't sleep......Mwah Ha Ha!]




#3 Amistad (1997) .... Theodore Joadson [Steven Spielberg can do anything]




#3 Glory (1989) .... Sgt. Maj. John Rawlins [Freeman should have been nominated twice for this year]




#2 Driving Miss Daisy (1989) .... Hoke Colburn [In the most powerful year of Male Acting possible ever (look it up), Freeman well deserved his nomination here. Along with Glory and Lean on Me; what a year for this dude!]




#1 The Shawshank Redemption (1994) .... Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding [The start of our true Morgan Freeman love affair]

September 18, 2006

G is for Girl

The other day I turned my apple stem, as you are supposed to do to see whom you will marry. (You all know how this works, right? Each rotation is a letter of the alphabet, and when the apple stem comes out of the apple, whatever letter you are on is the first name of the girl you will end up marrying.)

I tried to get to “K,” but ended up with G. It was a sad moment, but those are the risks you take to enjoy a little thing I like to call “apples.”

Undaunted, I set about making a list of “G” girls I could marry. These are the top ten I came up with off the top of my head.

#10 Gennifer – I know it is a weak spelling, but just in case.

#9 Glenda – I am mostly thinking of the good witch, although for the life of me I cannot remember where she was from now.

#8 Gloria – I think I have her number. (Now that was a good one.) Hey, I just remembered: The Wizard of Oz, right?

#7 Ginella - I am told it means “window” in Spanish. I believe she would give me my “window of opportunity.” Okay, that was lame, but you do better on no sleep!

#6 Gloria – I think I have her number. (Now that was a good one.) Hey, I just remembered: The Wizard of Oz, right?


(She sort of looks like the Burger King guy's wife)

#6 Gia – Was there not some bi-sexual supermodel chick with this name? That could happen again, right?



(She is okay, for a bi-sexual supermodel....I guess)


#5 Giselle – We are agreed—are we not—that names can shape personality. For example: you name your daughter “Candy” or “Bambi,” you might as well put a pole up in their crib so they can get some practice. Similarly, could you possibly name a girl “Giselle” and not expect her to be a sex kitten? I thought not.

#4 Gwendolyn – It just sounds great to say. Go ahead: close your eyes and let it roll off your tongue like sweet nectar.

#3 Gretchen – I think I read “Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret” at least 120 times. Gretchen was by far my favorite character.

#2 Guinevere – Obviously this is classic, but you would always have to fear that she would be looking around for a Lancelot to cheat on you.

And the number 1 G Girl for me to marry…..

#1 Giaconda – As I write this name I am suddenly realize you do not know who this really is. Let me give you a hint: with the exception of the Virgin Mary: the most famous woman of all time.

Up Next: I find an apple with a tougher stem so I can get to “K” and not cause a riot.

September 11, 2006


September 9, 2006

Little Known Facts about Hyperion

Perusing our good friend (And Evil Kitty of the Realm) Schrodinger's Site, I came upon this wickedly funny list of little known facts about her. I completely stole her idea and the random "fact" generator she used. (Feel free to use it yourself, but I'm not going to link it here. Instead, you need to go to her site to get the "fact" generator, thus guaranteeing her some traffic. Yes, I'm just that nice.)

Anyway, here are the 10 Ten Little Known Facts About Hyperion (Along with my sad attempts at witty commentary)


1. US gold coins used to say 'In Hyperion we trust'. (When people say the American Economy has gone downhill since we got off the Gold Standard, what they really mean is "the Hyperion" Standard)

2. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Hyperion! (Admit it: you always knew I was nuts!)

3. Americans discard enough Hyperion to rebuild their entire commercial air fleet every 3 months. (Discarded Hyperion...man, if that don't explain my life, nothing does...)

4. Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of Hyperion. (True Story: There was considerable debate in 1919 whether to call the Spanish Flu "Hyperienza")

5. Hyperion is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes! (That's not the only thing about me that's "black")

6. Hyperion is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world! (Hey, this dovetails right into the last one!)

7. Abraham Lincoln, who invented Hyperion, was the only US president ever granted a patent. (And THAT'S how he won the war)

8. If you put a drop of liquor on Hyperion, he will go mad and sting himself to death. (I guess it's true what they say: "Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker" [It was either that or "Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear"])

9. When Hyperion is swallowed, it will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes. (That's why chicks live longer...'cuz Hyperion's got Vitamin C, yo!)

10. In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and Hyperion! (What can I say? Chicks dig (into) me!)

September 5, 2006

"Summer" Songs

I meant to do this earlier, but it's a great day-after-Labor-Day list too, if only to remind us of what we've lost.


THE TOP TEN SONGS WITH "SUMMER" IN THE TITLE




Honorable Mention: Theme from "A Summer Place" - Summer isn't really in the title, but I love this Henry Mancini work, and wanted to honor it somehow.



#10 The Boys of Summer (Don Henley) - I loathe Don Henly, but even I have to admit his song belongs on this list.



#9 Summer in the City (Lovin' Spoonful) - I've always wondered: "lovin' spoonful" of what?



#8 Summer of '69 (Bryan Adams) - If the list were actual Summer Songs, I'd take his Robin Hood Theme over this.



#7 Summer Breeze (Seals and Crofts) - These guys wouldn't survive today, but in the Hall & Oats and James Taylor era, I bet they did all right with the Ladies.



#6 Hot Summer Nights (Miami Sound Machine) - one wonders: were there other "machines" in Miami at that time, to necessitate calling this group the Sound Machine? If so, what?



#5 Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer (Nat King Cole) - If he were alive today, do you think Nat would rap?



#4 Summer Nights (Grease Soundtrack) - Everything you need to know about Men/Women is defined by the following Lyric: "Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more: did you get very far? Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more: like, did he have a car?" Jeesh



#3 Summertime (DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince) - Just a great groove song. Don't believe me? Listen to it again. You'll see.



#2 Cruel Summer (Bananarama) - I love some of their songs. My favorite was "Do Not Disturb" but I've never found it again, ever since I had to burn the tape as a 12 year old because supposedly Bananarama was into the Occult. If you can till, I'm STILL bitter!


and the number one song with "Summer" in the title....



#1 SummerTime - Porgy and Bess - This ought to be my next audio post. I am in love with the slow languid lyrics and pace. What a song!



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