As you may know, The NCAA has been playing their Tournament the past 3 weeks (aka "March Madness," aka "that Bracket you filled out that went bust on Day 1"), taking 68 hungry teams until only 1 is left, the champion.
But much, Much, MUCH more importantly, I have taken it upon myself to rank all 68 teams by their team name, or Mascot. To be clear, when I say Mascot, I don't mean the furry wretch that jumps around the cheerleaders and tries to paw at them. I mean the Platonic embodiment of the team name itself.
In other words, I want to know what would happen if a shark were to battle a Samurai, if Hornets went toe to toe with Lynx, and so on. I have ranked the team names on the following criteria:
Awesomeness - obvi
Badassery - similar to but not the as Awesomeness
Speed/Strength/Durability - the "measurables"
Meanness - This helps win battles
Indigenous Atrocities - some of these names are not cool! (Also, fair warning; I am blissfully inconsistent about which historical atrocities bug me and which do not. Deal with it.
Please leave any comments you have below, and let's get to it!