The only problem: as we sing the song we come to realize that there are only 5 ways, not 50!
They are:
You Just slip out the back, Jack (1)
Make a new plan, Stan (2)
You don't need to be coy, Roy (3)
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus (4)
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee (5)
And get yourself free
That's fine for Jack, Stan, Roy, Gus and Lee, but what about the others? Is it possible there are only 5 ways, and Paul realized that 50 was more musical? (Candyshop notwithstanding.) More likely, Paul was just having so much fun that he forgot to include the other lyrics.
Thankfully there's me.
In an effort to help a fellow musician and writer, I have taken it upon myself to pen the missing lyrics. Bonus: the song was written from a female perspective to a male, and thus featured only male names. However, we are a full-service lover-leaving advice Empire, so you will find both male and female names below. You might even find your own name, in which case tell your significant other I'm sorry.
Without further ado:
The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover
1. Fake your own death, Seth
2. Make up a story, Rory
3. Pee on his leg, Meg
4. Offend her parents, Clarence
5. Get eaten by piranhas, Shawna
6. Flee the scene, Francine
7. Tell him you're not ready, Betty
8. Give her a giant snake, Jake
9. Get up and leave Steve
10. Renew your visa, Lisa
11. Tell her you're a fairy, Kerry
12. Call for a taxi, Maxi
13. Go back to your Ex, Rex
14. Hide in Argentina, Gina
15. Say she looks super fat, Matt
16. Buckshot to the Fanny, Annie
17. S*** in her bed, Achmed
18. Get shot out a cannon, Shannon
19. Fly on a plane, Dwayne
20. Climb out on a limb, Tim
21. Tell him Go to Hell, Michelle
22. Ride a new filly, Billy
23. Call her a fat ugly bitch, Rich
24. Rev up your Harley, Carly
25. Serve some poisoned flan, Mary-Anne
26. Fake a heart attack, Barack
27. Get tried at the Hague, Craig
28. Just stop all the lyin', Brian
29. Tell him you're a fella, Ella
30. Time to hitchhike, Mike
31. Create a smokescreen, Chrystine
32. Walk out the do', Joe
33. Hide among the citizenry, Henry
34. Act really tricky, Nicki
35. Vanish without a trace, Grace
36. Turn into a soulless whore, Al Gore
37. Contract MS, Dennis
38. Get sent to jail, Dale
39. Turn really queer, Samir
40. Crash her new car, Jafar
41. Get caught with her sister, Mr.
42. Move to Spain, Elaine
43. Skulk away, Dr. Dre
44. Become a Neo-Nazi, Potsie
45. Pick a new set of criterion, Hyperion
And get yourself free.......
See the full 2012 Edition of the Thirty-One Days of Poetry
See the 2011 Edition
See the 2110 Edition
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