MLB team names (the best)

Yesterday we looked at the worst MLB team names. Today we continue up that list, to get to the best

#14 Milwaukee BREWERS – Let me put this in terms you can understand: they make beer

#13 New York YANKEES – For many years I thought the Broadway Musical “Damn Yankees” was anti-Steinbrenner screed. Yankees is a fairly cool name, though, uniquely American and thumbing the nose at Brits and Southerners at the same time. That’s quite the accomplishment.

#12 Arizona DIAMONDBACKS – They are named after a venomous snake, which is good. (By the way, snakes are venomous, not poisonous). And, you play baseball on what is known as a “diamond,” so double points. There is a small part of me, though, that feels like they could have done more.

#11 Seattle MARINERS – Not quite as cool as swashbucklers, but Mariner does have a certain hoary dignity to it, as well as evoking the Hemmingway aesthetic.

#10 Minnesota TWINS – For the Twin cities, but I prefer to think of different kinds of twins, if you know what I mean.

#9 Kansas City ROYALS – For one, it’s always good to be the King. Also, it simply cracks me up that Kansas City is not in Kansas, so I give them a few more points for this.

#8 Oakland ATHLETICS – Athletics just sounds so…genteel, and there are great jokes to be made about team boosters, you know: Athletic Supporters?

#7 Texas RANGERS – Be honest: who wouldn’t support them even more if they were Walker, Texas Rangers?

#6 Los Angeles ANGELS – I’m more than a little contemptuous of the place (they went from California to Anaheim to the Los Angeles Dodgers of Anaheim), but “Angels” is a pretty good team name. Maybe I’ll buy them when my Angel movie comes out.

#5 New York METROPOLITANS – How can you not love a team that is named after an opera house? Or possible a museum, which gives me hope that one day there might be the London Tates or the Paris Louvres. Who wouldn’t pay to see Frenchies play baseball? Nobody; that’s who!

#4 Philadelphia PHILLIES – Part of me wants to dislike them; after all, how creative do you have to be to use your city name as your team name? Part of me is hopeful that this refers to Philly Cheese steaks, which would well be worth naming a team after. But mostly I just like how it opens up possibilities. The San Diego Sandies, the Pittsburgh Pitties, the Chicago Chickies!

#3 San Francisco GIANTS – It’s quite simple: Hyperion was a Titan in Greek mythology, and Titans were giants. Beyond that, though, do you really want to root for the San Francisco Midgets? (Maybe if they were the San Francisco River Midgets….)

#2 Pittsburg PIRATES – C’mon: this is a no-brainer. Pirates! Argggggggh!

#1 Detroit TIGERS – How did a team that happened to be the first one I loved get ranked so high? Total coincidence. Actually, it’s entirely possible that my original love of the Tigers was partly due to the fact that tigers are just about the coolest animal ever. Did I ever tell you that when I rule the world I’m going to have giant all-black tiger, with matte-black skin and shiny black stripes? There pretty much is no animal cooler than tigers, and very few as cool. ‘Nuff said.