Bart's Road Trip

When I first saw the Simpsons episode where Bart gets a driver's license and they go on a Road Trip, I wasn't that impressed. However, every time I see it I like the episode more and more. First Bart has to spend time with Patty and Selma at work, then he, Milhouse, Martin and Nelson rent a car and go on a Road Trip that takes them through Branson Missouri to Noxville Tennessee for the World's Fair, only 14 years too late. Meanwhile, Lisa is enjoying spending time with Homer at work while Marge is all left out. Bart enlists Lisa's help getting home when it all goes wrong, and Lisa eventually turns to Homer. All in all, a very great episode. The following are the top ten quotes from that episode. I hope you enjoy.

THE TOP TEN QUOTES FROM "BART ON THE ROAD"

#10 Patty and Selma talk about their job at the DMV
Patty: Some days, we don't let the line move at all.
Selma: We call those weekdays. [the gruesome twosome laugh]
Patty: Good one.



#9 Lisa discovers that atomic power isn't quite as thrilling as cracker production.
Homer: Donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
[later]
Homer: Oh! This is a map of nuclear sites around the country. As a safety inspector, I'm responsible for changing most of these light bulbs.
Lisa: Why are there so many burnt-out ones?
Homer: 'Cause they won't hire me an assistant.



#8 After running out of money and losing their car, Bart tries to get a job as a Courier so he and the gang can travel back to Springfield
Courier Supervisor: Well, you don't look 25, but your unlaminated out of state driver's license is good enough for me



#7 Bart and the Gang try to decide where to go on their Spring Break Road Trip
Martin: Well, I realize it's trite, but we could tour the bridges of Madison County.
Milhouse: Hey, who has better vacation ideas than AAA? [reading a guidebook] According to the publisher of this AAA guidebook, no one.
Nelson: I've always wanted to see Macon, Georgia.
Milhouse: Wait! How about a fair? Not just a county fair, not just a Europe fair, but a World's fair -- the World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Bart: Keep reading.
Milhouse: The Hungarians have built a giant motorized Rubik's cube, and the fair's symbol is the SunSphere, which sits atop a 266-foot tall steel shaft.
Bart: What's inside?
Milhouse: An information desk.
B+N+M: Cooool!



#6 Homer and Lisa continue to have fun togeether, making a crank call
Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Ura.
Moe: Ura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you? If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran. [hangs up]


#5 Lisa finds out Bart's troubles and needs to bring in Homer to help
Homer: What's wrong, honey?
Lisa: There's something troubling me, dad, but I don't think I can tell you because it's a secret.
Homer: Ah, you don't have to tell me, but I thought we trusted each other with our secrets now. I mean, I haven't told a soul about your boyfriend.
Lisa: Langdon Alger? Oh, I don't like him anymore. Okay, but you gotta promise you won't get mad or tell anyone, especially Bart.
Homer: I promise.
Lisa: [Jenna von Oy-esque] Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson to a week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't get home and Bart's working as a courier and just came back from Hong Kong!
Homer: [face reddens, then returns to normal] Yes, that's a real pickle. Could you excuse me for a moment?
[puts on the radiation suit hood, which muffles his voice]
[yells his head off as the faceplate fogs up]
Homer: All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.
Lisa: No, no! Then he'll know I told.



#4 Nelson, we hardly knew ye
Nelson: What is this place?
Bart: Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas -- if it were run by Ned Flanders.
Nelson: [sees a sign extolling the virtues of an Andy Williams concert] Andy Williams!
Bart: Aw, we don't need to stop here.
Nelson: Yes we do. [punches Bart in the back of the head]
Mr. Williams' vocal stylings have a varied effect on the boys. Bart, Martin, and Milhouse are fast asleep. Nelson, however, is enthralled.
Andy Williams: [singing off-camera] ...my huckleberry friend Moon river, and me. [audience applauds]
Nelson: I didn't think he'd do "Moon River," but then -- bam! -- second encore!



#3 One of the best endings to the Simpsons ever, after Bar has returned from his trip.
Marge: [answering] Hello? Oh hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night. [hangs up] [the phone rings again] [answering] Hello? Tennessee State Police? No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville. I don't know where to begin
telling you what's wrong with that. [hangs up] [the phone rings again] [answering]
Hello? No, Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam.
[Homer, who has dived under the covers, snorts]
Homer, are you laughing at me?


#2 The Greatest Latin Term I've ever heard (other than semper ubi sub ubi)
Marge: The national grammar rodeo? I wish I were going. Oh, wait, wait; I wish I _was_ going. Is that right, Bart?
Bart: I dunno.
Lisa: It's not fair. I'm the best student in school, how come I never heard about this competition?
Bart: Maybe because you are, as we say in Latin, a "dorkus malorkus."
Lisa: That's not Latin. [to Marge] Mom, Bart's faking it.
Marge: Lisa, you've had your glory. Now it's Bart's turn.



#1 The boys get to the World's Fair only to discover that it was in 1982 and now the Sunsphere is a Wigsphere.
The boys -- newly be-wigged -- sit at the curb to consider recent events. Bart takes solace in the fact that they still have the car and the wad of cash, but Martin spent the last ten dollars on a talking Al Gore doll. ("You are hearing me talk...") Nelson, angrily, throws a rock at the Sunsphere, which topples, and crushes their car.

Bart: We got no car!
Martin: We got no money!
Milhouse: And no one knows we're here!
B+Ma+Mi: We're stranded!
Nelson: But on the plus side, I knocked over the SunSphere. [camera cuts back to wider angle, showing the crushed car under the sunsphere] HA-ha.

My brother and I use this term all the time to connote something good when all else is going wrong.

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