July 29, 2005

Salad Toppings

Salads are…well, they’re not steak. But they can be better with the right ingredients. Everyone has his or her own tastes in what makes a good salad. For example, when I asked Taisie this question, she responsed with “onions” and “cillantro.” But with all due respect to her, that’s crazy.

There is a hierarchy of salad toppings, and here it is:

THE TOP TEN ITEMS YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR SALAD

#10 CARROTS – You don’t just have to have them diced. You can also try shaved; a great change-up.

#9 APPLES – It’s a fairly useless fruit, but cut them up and your salad is doin’ the Happy Dance.

#8 SUNFLOWER SEEDS – What salad wouldn’t be improved by a few of these crunchy little morsels? No salad I’d want to eat.

#7 TURKEY – Having worked in a deli make sure you get non-processed turkey, ‘cause if you knew what was in the other stuff…

#6 CROUTONS – I like the big giant ones that look like you could build a house out of them.

#5 CUCUMBERS – Also handy if for some reason you need to exfoliate near the salad bar.

#4 CHEESE – I’m hankerin’ for a hunk a, a really big a chunk a….

#3 OLIVES – I once met a man who didn’t like olives. He’s dead now. Draw your own conclusions.

#2 TOMATOES – Cherry are the standard, but grape tomatoes work equally well. And Sun dried…aren’t we rich!

And the number one item to put on your salad….

#1 BACON – As if there were any doubt (For more on this phenomenon, see the BLKF Theory)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You, my dear Hypey, are out to lunch if you turn up your nose to onions in a salad. They are essential to any good salad. Cilantro is also a great idea for a topping. My favourite combination of toppings is caramelized onions (still warm), feta cheese, roasted red peppers, black olives and diced cucumbers. Yum! Croutons? YUCK!

Anonymous said...

Lets see, I would remove olives, meat (unless grilled chicken), and cheese, and would add fruit, nuts and AVOCADO, which is #1 ingredient (besides lettuce/spinach) for any salad. For topping I would say poppyseed dressing. This makes the greatest salads!! And so, Hyperion, I think you need to branch out more. Food doesn't need to classified as masculine/feminine, you can make it Metrosexual. Or stick with the retrosexual's favourite meal of steak, garlic bread and caesar salad...

Anonymous said...

You forgot the best salad topping...the dressing. Salads are just something to put ranch dressing on.

Anonymous said...

Apples?!? Have you gone West Coast? Fruit doesn't go on a salad...unless you are making a FRUIT salad. My God Man! I'd so replace that w/ chicken - ham - or hard boiled eggs. I personally don't like olives...but olives, peppers, 'shrums...veggie fam. Oh well, I'm a salad purist. All this talk of salads has made me hungry...I'll go have the boys peel me another grape or so to tide me over until lunch...

Anonymous said...

Both Ranch and Poppyseed dressing are good. I'll add home made extra-virgin olive oil/red winegar,, fresh herbs (dill, basil,thyme, oregano, and yes, cilantro (which they call "coriander leaf" in my newly adopted country {England]).Toasted seeds, and some nuts, do add good crunch and are good for ya.I like some chopped,hard-boiled egg. And the original Caesar salad, invented by Caesar Cardini south of the California border, did NOT have anchovies. So there.Green Goddess dressing is a nice change-up for previously mentioned dressings. So is a good Russian or red french dressing.The dressings are home made...and freshly made.Dressings bottled by others are okay in a rush (and I am not rushed, so, go figure :)

Anonymous said...

Dude, I know you didn't forget on purpose but what aboot Boiled Eggs?




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