Scary Cebrities (Part 2)

Sorry it took me so long to get this one up. Today is the companion piece to last Wednesday. Almost everyone I asked had two names: Britney Spears and Joan Rivers, but they’re just not scary to me, so apologies to those people.

THE TOP TEN SCARIEST FEMALE CELEBRITIES.

#10 Renée Zellweger – When she burst on the scene with JERRY McGUIRE I had such high hopes for her. Now…Sometimes this girl just creeps me out, and it starts with her eyebrows. They look alien and unnatural. Does anyone doubt that there’s a nervous breakdown here waiting to happen?

#9 Jane Kaczmarek – I hardcore believe that her Malcolm’s mother character is the way she really is.

#8 Sharon Stone – Another woman that used to be flat out gorgeous and compelling, and now just makes me want to hide; a good deal of with has to do with her eyebrows. What is it with you old chicks and eyebrows?

#7 Star Jones – I don’t know what’s worse: the extraordinarily annoying woman who was so awful that it was okay to make fat jokes, or the just as annoying woman who’s now as slim as Courtney Cox. What on Earth is going on?

#6 Helena Bonham Carter – I’ll admit she’s a fabulous actress, but something about her has always scared me. When I look into her eyes, I’m positive she’s already dead. Has anyone else had this feeling?

#5 Hillary Clinton – I can’t for the life of me understand how feminists hold up this woman as a role model. She got to the top by marrying someone. This is your Betty Freidan moment? What are the odds this woman is ruling the world in three year? 65%? Now that’s frightening.

#4 Rene Russo – I’ve come around on her a little, but she still scares me for the simple reason that I can’t help feeling that she’s a man. A very beautiful man, sure, but some of them drag queens are pretty hot. And that just makes me think all sorts of uncomfortable thoughts.

#3 Oprah Winfrey – Hillary could be ruling America one day, but Oprah already is. Her word is law, and this scares nobody?

#2 Courtney Love – I’m scared I’m going to get a disease just watching her on television. I can’t for the life of me figure out how this much skankiness is rewarded with fame or fortune. Plus—and I’m no Nirvana fan—but the shotgun was found far too many feet away from Cobain for a suicide. Add to that the fact that Courtney’s very first album came out five days after Kurt’s death….are you picking up what I’m putting down?

And the number one scariest female Celebrity is….

#1 Barbra Streisand – Like you even had to guess.