Queens of the TV Deck

I was trying to come up with a top ten list for today and I thought of cool TV characters. That seemed all right. In fact, these characters should be so cool, they’re deck. (Deck is much cooler than cool, or put another way, much decker than cool.) I split it up into male and female, but I had a very hard time finding cool female characters, which is not because I’m a hater toward the sneakier sex, but because current TV doesn’t have a whole lot to offer. (I only did current although it might be a deck list to do all time as well. Maybe later.) Anyway, today are the girls and tomorrow the much harder to narrow down list of the guys.

THE TOP TEN CURRENT DECK FEMALE TV CHARACTERS

#10 VERONICA (Veronica Mars) – I haven’t watched an episode yet, but I have it on the highest authority that she is way cool. Until I see the show, though, I can put her no higher than this.

#9 DR. BAILEY (Grey’s Anatomy) – They call her the Nazi, but I like how calm and collected she always is, and how Bailey seems to always have the up hand, no only on her interns, but on the attending surgeons as well.

#8 TEMPERANCE “BONES” BRENNAN (Bones) – She doesn’t handle people at all, but this girl is smart enough to make up for it. Based on real-life forensic anthropologist and famous author Kathy Reichs, Bones seems to know everything about science. And smart girls are hot and very deck.

#7 CALAMITY JANE (Deadwood) – Ajax just got me into this show, and I picked Calamity Jane because anyone who can get so drunk every night that she falls asleep leaning against buildings and swearing every other word has my vote.

#6 OLIVIA BENSON (SVU) – Anytime you’re cooler than Ice-T you’re doing something right. Olivia Benson is the heartbeat of the best Law & Order show. She’s intense and tough, and manages to look good doing it.

#5 BREE VAN DE KAMP (Desperate Housewives) – If you had to pick one of the girls, who would it be? My choice would be easy. Bree. Though at first she came off merely obsessive compulsive, Bree soon showed there was a lot more going on in her brain. She’s smart, hot, and can cook! How deck is that?

#4 MANDY (24) – How many seasons has this chick shown up and assassinated someone? Even when caught she’s deck enough to get out of trouble. That’s a hot gurl, and I loves me the hot gurl.

#3 CRISTINA YANG (Grey’s Anatomy) – She’s ambitious to the point of thuggery, stealing patience without a thought to what’s right. She gets off on surgery, the more hard-core, the better. She has a relationship with another doctor, but hates talking about her feelings. Gotta love that.

#2 MAYBE (Arrested Development) – She’s only 15. Her mom is a complete loser, and her dad doesn’t realize how gay he is. Two of her cousins are in love with her. Despite all that, somehow Maybe managed to get a job as a studio head, green lighting movie projects. Can I marry this girl?

and the number one Deck Female character is….

#1 KATE (Lost) – Jack, Sawyer, and maybe even Sayid have a thing for her. She’s one of the leaders, depended on, makes decisions. Oh yeah; she’s a hardened criminal who’s killed more than one person, and robbed a bank just to get a toy airplane. As my friend Carlos would say, “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

Up next: I realize this list sucked, but it’s TV’s fault, not mine. Tomorrow’s will be better, as I have 28 male candidates to sift through. I’m sure you’ll disagree with what I decide.