Best Ways to Stay Warm in the Winter

I ran a contest not too long ago on Hyperion Chronicles, with the prize being a top ten list of the reader's choice. Annivere won, and she wanted to know the best ways to stay warm in the winter. As she asks, do I answer.

THE TOP TEN WAYS TO STAY WARM IN THE WINTER

#10 Find some well-meaning but clueless Conservative Christians, and some equally well-meaning but clueless PC Liberals, and have a book burning! Stay warm with the flames of everything from Harry Potter to Huck Finn, from Ann Rice to Ann Coulter!

#9 It might just be a rumor, but I heard Hawaii is not quite as cold this time of year. Worth checking out.

#8 Two Words: Body Heat. (You know how you have to have skin on skin for the body heat thing to work? What are the odds some guy just made that up, and no scientist has let on?)

#7 A hot tub in your back yard is a great move. Not only will you stay warm, but you'll be the hit of the winter party circuit.

#6 My brother Achmed pointed out a few years ago that you can always cool the body by urinating. Therefore, to stay warm: never pee! (Of course, there may be a downside I'm not seeing.)

#5 Read Hyperion X, including Carny's story, coming Friday (Shameless plug, but it will work. Grendel told me she didn't turn nine shades of red, but did pass four.)

#4 [Reason removed after threatened legal action from the Girl Scouts of America]

#3 Chestnuts roaring on an open fire, if you know what I mean. And if that's too much, you can at least do s'mores.

#2 Strangle and orphanage full of children, then commit seppuku by eating a Frisbee. Roast in Hell forever, the key word is "Roast."

and the number one way to stay warm this winter....

#1 Come experience Hyperion's Heat. "I got your hot coals right here...."