Mom's International Days

When my mom first found out I was doing an International Day, she wanted to be a part of it. Didn’t work out that way (because I had awesome people already picked), but that didn’t stop her from coming up with her own ideas. Here are some of the, uh, best.

#10 International Take Your Mother To Work Day - Right now, imagine your mom at work with you. Would that be fun? Would she tell everyone what to do? Would she “straighten” your desk? (My mom is sitting here listening to me read this, and she says you should harness that. Let her vacuum your carpet, clean your blinds, prune your dead plants. Mom also insists that you buy your mother lunch as part of the deal.)

#9 International Clean Your Bathroom Day – I point out to Mom that you should clean your bathroom every week, but she said that some people would never do it if there wasn’t a day for it.

#8 International Call An Old Flame Day – You have to call up someone from out of your past and say “Hi.” When I ask mom what about the people who are married, she replies, “That’s okay. Just tell them ‘I was observing an International Holiday.’” (I’m going to use this as an excuse for everything.)

#7 International Blizzard Day – To commemorate the end of winter you visit Dairy Queen and eat a blizzard. When I point out to Mom that it already happened (in March), she says, “Yeah, but we’re talking Canada, so it may not happen until the end of June.”

#6 International Thank You Note Day – Write someone you should have thanked long ago.

#5 International Mexican Food Day – According to mom, this doesn’t mean visit Taco Bell. (Sorry Bear and Koz.) You can visit a great Mexican restaurant, or have a fiesta at your home. Go all out and decorate even. (And hire some Illegals to wash the dishes.)

#4 International Get Rid of Clutter Day – I’ll let her explain: “Everyone has a clutter spot…or ten. Tackle it with gusto. See what color that kitchen counter really is.”

#3 International Clean Out Your Wallet/Purse Day – Mom: “Everyone has old receipts or pictures of their girlfriends who’ve died…they now have kids in the fourth grade of are president of a law firm.” (I interject; “Is this after they’ve died?” She glares at me.)

#2 and three quarters International Pet a Giraffe Day – Either you adopt one, or go to a zoo.

#2 and a half International Eat a Bagel Day – Mom demands you toast the bagel and eat cream cheese, but I hate cream cheese so I say no.

#2 International Summer Snowman Day – Make a Snowman in the summer. You can use the shaved ice from your freezer, but that won’t last long. Much better: construct your snowman out of alternative materials. How sweet is that?

And the number one International Day my mom thought of…..

#1 International Serenade People With Neil Diamond Songs Day – Caroling should not just be relegated to Christmas. On this day you should go out and find people, either door to door, at work, friends, neighbors, or just call someone up out of the blue and sing to them. Pick from such Neil Diamond classics as Song Sung Blue, Cracklin’ Rosie, Red Red Wine, Girl You’ll be Woman Soon, If You Know What I Mean, I Am….I Said, Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show, Holly Holy and of course Sweet Caroline. Even better: sing as Neil Diamond. Actually, this one is good enough for the website. I think I’ll do it one day.

Up tomorrow: Spudz