NOVEMBER

For some reason (read: a desire to avoid work) I found myself staring at the word NOVEMBER, and wondering what words I could make from that. Never one to squander a Rank Everything opportunity, I turned it into a list. For your viewing pleasure, I present:

THE TOP TWENTY-FIVE WORDS YOU CAN MAKE FROM NOVEMBER

#25 Never – otherwise known as the odds Koz will win the “Best Rack” contest over on Monkey Barn.

#24 Berm – I don't even know what this is. Something do do with a ship, right?

#23 Meer – I don't generally like cats, but when you spell it with a K I'm on board.

#22 B-Mer – Okay, a cheat, but who wouldn't want one of these?

#21 Boer – I was going to go with “bore,” but who likes those? At least the Boers fought some cool wars.

#20 Morn – I ain't a fan, unless I look over and see a slinky dress on my floor, and hear the sound of bacon from the kitchen.

#19 Moen – Next to Farrah, the best faucet there is

#18 Norm – mostly for the comic strip “The Norm,” but the other one too. Say it with me: “Norm!”

#17 Ore – 'Cuz I'm all about the Natural Resources, baby. (And you can take that more than one way, wink wink.)

#16 Bone – Especially when it's followed by a “Thugz & Harmony. For no particular reason, this reminds me of one of Andrew Dice Clay's Naughty Nursery Rhymes (Did you know he was on the last season of M*A*S*H?) Anyway, if you're easily offended you might want to skip to the next item: “Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, to get her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.” (OH!)

#15 Beer – I don't drink it myself, but Kapgar would cry if I didn't include his beverage of choice. (Schrodinger might cry too, if she wasn't loaded on Apple 'Tinis.)

#14 Rove – Your pick: either the kin to “Roam” or the hand inside the puppet himself: Karl.

#13 Moe – Syzlak, not Stooge.

12 Room – I think hotel rooms are my favorite rooms, especially when a nice lady or two might just stop by.

#11 Veer – my favorite running play back in football was 34 Veer (the 3 Back in the 4 Hole). I was a Right Tackle then, and the Tight End and I could open a hole that would make Courtney Love jealous.

#10 Beever – This guy is an incredible artist, sort of the street version of M.C. Escher. (Why, what did you think I meant? Come to think of it, I wonder what kind of play 34 Beever would make?)

#9 Move – Only because I so want to.

#8 Oven – Mostly because the Outlaw camp doesn't have one, and I sorely miss it.

#7 Nerve – Mostly for that creepy song in KILL BILL VOLUME 1, Twisted Nerve. You know: the whistling song when the nurse is walking towards the bride's room? Plus: “How dare he put that word on here! Of all the _____!” (hee hee)

#6 Born – But only if it's free. Actually, now that the Democrats have taken over Congress, being born at all is going to get tougher and tougher. (Note: it may seem like my goal for this list is to piss off every woman alive, but that's only because women don't have a sense of humor.)

#5 Over – I just watched AIRPLANE last night. It may be a simple joke, but naming one pilot “Oveur” and one “Roger” just leads to high comedy.

#4 More - What Hyperion likes to say at dinner. (What Hyperion likes said to him later on that night.)

#3 Ember – RemEMBER, it only takes a spark to get a fire going....

#2 Ever – Best Word Ever! (EVER!)

and the number one word you can make from NOVEMBER....

#1 Men – Without them, how would women know their place?