LJS hates all music

Lady Jane Scarlett sent me a top ten list of bands that used to rock but now suck, along with Ber. (I have no idea who or what a 'Ber' is, but I'm told is has a nice rack.) While I personally question whether some of these choices ever rocked, I wholeheartedly agree they all suck now, and fans' undying love for them is just silly. Once again, a pirate has shown us the way.

Top ten bands that used to really rock but now suck

By Lady Jane Scarlett and Ber

10. John Mayer-it’s questionable if he ever really rocked to begin with. But, “Room for Squares” was such a great piece of pop-laced sugar that the rest of his albums seem horribly self-important and bogged down by his trying to be “serious”.

9. INXS-We will scorn their name for all eternity for selling their souls to Mark Burnett.

8. Liz Phair-What is up with that silly “Why can’t I be” song? This woman used to be more badass than Courtney Love. Now she’s singing about malls and swimming.

7. Jewel-Same case as John Mayer, but since we think she’s hotter, she gets a higher spot in the list. Her debut album was incredibly angry, bitter, soulful; it had insight and a whiff of independence. Not so much nowadays.

6. Rolling Stones-will someone please put these guys out of our misery?

5. Dave Matthews Band-Ahhh, does anyone else remember the good old days when they would play small college digs and they hadn’t sold out to the Man.

4. REM-Will we get struck by lightening by even suggesting this?

3. (tie) Depeche Mode, The Cure-sometimes it’s good when your lead singer is on speedballs, or utterly depressed. The music’s just better when tortured souls are involved.

2. Indigo Girls- To quote, “they’ve become a lesbian parody”. It’s painful and sad to see rock’s equivalent of Gloria Steinem lose their voice.

And, the number one band that used to really rock but now sucks is...

1. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band- Oh yeah. Jesus, we said it. This guy used to be THE BOSS! Lyrically and musically, he and the E Street band rocked. They were angry, they were bitter, they had blue-collar soul, they were…us. Now Bruce whines and whines and whines about losing his soul. We feel your pain Boss Man, we miss your soul too.

To wit:

Bruce 1990:

The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight
but there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we'll live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul

Bruce 2006:

“So much of my writing, particularly when I write acoustically, comes straight out of the folk tradition.”