Race Horse Names

In honor of the Kentucky Derby, I came up with the ten best race horse names I could think of, at least as they related to me. Obviously I can't top Tits Magee, but I think mine are pretty swell.

THE TOP 15 BEST RACE HORSE NAMES

#15 Mr. Buffalo – This will make more sense after tomorrow’s column, but tell me it wouldn’t make a great name for a race horse.

#14 Dominion Over Everything Totally Sweet – this is what Ninjas have, and I just think it would rock

#13 If I had twin horses, I’d call them “Rock and Roll All Night” & “Party Ev Er Eee Day”

#12 Tobias the River Midget – This would be a great name if he was one of those smaller overachieving horses with a heart of gold, like Seabiscuit, or Julia Roberts. Just kidding (she's not small)

#11 Swagina – If only to make some old blueblood broad blush (say that five times fast)

#10 Monkey Barn – Who wouldn’t support a horse called Monkey Barn? No one, that’s who!

#9 Pocket Full O' Ghandi - In honor of Schrodinger

#8 That’s a Paddlin! – You have to have at least one Simpsons reference. Is there a better one?

(this is actually Hyperion the race horse. Pretty sweet, huh?)

#7 When Doves Cry – My understanding (and with Prince, it’s always tenuous) is that doves cry when something is so beautiful. Well, what if my horse was that great?

#6 Sofa King Studly – I’ll let you figure it out

#5 Chicken Biscuit – When I lived in Georgia, whenever Koz or Bear and I would bet, we would be a Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit. If I were going to bet on a horse, this would be a good omen.

#4 Carnivus Kickassius – The greatest friend the Institute ever had, and would be a kick ass racing name

#3 Lord of Chaos – This will only make sense to Robert Jordan fans, but would make a great horse name.

#2 Adashar - This was the bad guy in one of Carny's stories. I've loved the word ever since, so much so that I put it in my movie

and the number one name I would use if I had a horse in the Kentucky Derby…

1. Jedi Money – This name is so good, it makes me want to get rich just to buy a horse. I bet he’d win even if I was riding him!

Think you can do better? Send me your top five, or top ten, or top 23 even!