Monkey Mutants

In honor of the new X-Men movie coming out I asked the Monkey Barners what kind of Mutant power they would like to have and what name they would take if they joined Wolverine and Co.

The following is what they came up with. Note: the order was selected with a random number generator. I'm way too smart to tell them which I think was best. I don't want them competing for my love...unless there's an entry fee.

IF MONKEY BARNERS MUTATED...

(Succubus on top)

Succubus - the power to make people fall under my spell and do my bidding as I choose. (Sea Hag)

(When Koz's wife saw him for the first time she said, "the last time I saw something that size it had an eraser on the end of it.")

Dirk Diggler – “I’d be a three-legged man, if you know what I mean.” (Koz”)

(There's no truth to the rumor that Dominique has mulitple personalities)

Weizer - ability to understand the insanity that is the male mind
Eden - ability to grow and control all plant life
Quartz - ability to control time - freeze it and move things - or speed it up around you and remain the same (Dominique)

(According to his wife, this is Ajax's actual high school year book photo)

Handsome Devil – “I’d have red skin, horns and such, and have a bagful of fire and heat powers. And I'd be a big hit with the ladies: after a hard, stressful day fighting the evil villain du jour, I'd heat up the Jacuzzi to perfect muscle-relaxation temperature. Woot.” (Ajax)

(Can't all women read minds?)

Synapse – Telekinesis, and didn’t I already tell you this? (Lady Jane Scarlett)

(I got your Doppler Effect right here)

Siren – “My voice would enchant anyone who hears it. My victims would be lulled into submission and then I'd slit their throats (or tie them up).” (Dragon)
Siren.

(L. Ron prolly isn't what Philo had in mind, but you find a State Man!)

State Man – “My mutation is Sovereign Immunity. I would never have to pay taxes, I would never be subject to suit or criminal sanctions. Anyone within my "personal space" would be subject to my authority.” (Philogynist)

(Bear may not be original, but he has excellent taste, and he's less filling)

Sandman - Being able to project "dreams" or "alternate realities" in people's minds. (Bear)

(that pink stuff on the table? That's Matthew Fox)

Neutrino - the power to make men quiver until they turn to jello. Raspberry. (Schrodinger)

(okay, she's not that funny, but you gotta admit; she's merry!)

Merry – “I would have the mutant ability to make people laugh. Until they died from lack of oxygen. Sort of like a good guy Joker, but without the crazy make-up. Probably with the bad puns, though.” (Tracy Lynn, who else?)